Blogs

The Best of Times – The Worst of Times

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”
― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Recently, I have heard many believer say they wish the Lord would come on and get his people.  Indeed the return and the established kingdom of our blessed Savior is the desire of every true believer as well it should be.  However, I had the sense that what I was hearing from my brothers and sisters was more of a desire to escape the perceived doom and gloom that the world is about to experience rather than a desire to be with Him in His glory.  This sentiment is more than a bit disturbing to me as it reveals a lack of discernment of the times we are so blessed to live in.  We are alive at such a time as this for such a time as this.  I personally believe we are living in the greatest era in the history of HIS Story as I will explain later.

Without a doubt, 2020 has been a year of despair, discouragement and even death like no other year in my life.  Seemingly, every month of this year at least 2 individuals that I knew personally died; even siblings dying in the same year.  The COVID-19 pandemic, anarchy in cities all over the nation and the utter disgrace of the 2020 elections are enough to make even the strongest among us shudder with anxiety.  Thus I have been in an internal warfare all year-long to ward off the despair and discouragement that seek to overcome me and have fought to stay in a place of faith, peace and perseverance.  I have learned over the years of walking with the Lord that keeping my focus on Him is the only way I will remain in this place. 

Even with all of the craziness we are witnessing in the world today, 2020 has been a year of redemption for me.  God has proven himself faithful in the midst of chaos and turmoil.  In November of 2015 I received a profound word from the Lord:

2016 will be a year of Unprecedented Trust.  2016 is the year you will experience firm belief in the integrity, the ability and the character of Jehovah God like never before.  Your confidence and reliance upon Him will soar to unprecedented heights.  In this trust that you have never experienced before wisdom will have the freedom she seeks in every decision you make; understanding will flow like streams of living water; and peace will be a constant in the midst of the world’s chaos and confusion.

This will be a year of perfect peace for those whose focus remain on the Lord because He will become their reality.

2016 is also the year in which Jehovah will entrust more to His children.  Kingdom keys will be given like never before.  Keys which have never before been released to man will be given and unprecedented favor will come with those keys because He can trust us with them.  His desire is to trust us so that He can entrust the Kingdom to us.

We must have the right attitude about correction and discipline as He will correct and discipline us so that He can trust us.  It is those whom He loves He corrects and disciplines.  This is as much kingdom business as it is family business.  A constant state of having to be corrected or disciplined because of a lack of trust reveals a spirit of rebellion.  Rebellion is an affront to the King and will not enter the Kingdom of God.

The year of unprecedented trust will yield many “But God”s.

2016 was ushered in on New Year’s Day with a phone call from a minister in Tennessee I knew through my youngest son.  My son was in the Army but serving time in an Italian prison with another soldier who happened to be this lady’s son.  They had been in prison about six months at this point and I had just gotten to a place of peace with it when I received her call.  She was frantic as she told me that she had just received a call from her son.  She relayed to me that thirty Muslims had made shanks in the prison and attacked my son with the intent to kill him.  They did not anticipate her son jumping in to help my son, thus it was 30 against 2.  Thank God the only injury the two of them incurred was a nick on my son’s nose.  The two of them were placed in the hole for their own protection.  The phone call was unsettling to say the least.  She was near hysterical as she shared all she knew and her hysteria was about to overtake me when the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear to hang up the phone.  He told me that I could not afford to invest in her hysteria.  I kindly thanked her for filling me in on what was going on with the boys and told her I had to go. I hung up the phone and went shopping with a friend as I had planned to do – Unprecedented Trust.

January 21^st of 2016 I lost my middle brother to Emphysema, COPD and Double Pneumonia.  He was only 56 years old and his death left a gaping hole in my family – Unprecedented Trust.

February 5^th of 2016 I reluctantly went on a mission’s trip to India.  This trip was planned about six months earlier, but I was not sure if I needed to leave my mother alone so soon after losing her son.  It was by far the most difficult trip I had been on but I knew I was supposed to go – Unprecedented Trust.

When I returned from India so much on my job had changed, leaving me confused and anxious.  I had a new job description, a new manager, and a new location; all of which took place while I was gone.  For two months I felt like I was in a whirlwind.  I prayed and prayed but did not sense anything from the Lord.  Even in the midst of the whirlwind I found a place of peace when I told the Lord that I trust Him no matter what.  It was then that I heard Him tell me to put in my two weeks’ notice of leaving my job.  Now, I would never advise anyone to leave a job without having another one lined up, but that is exactly what God told me to do.  It was a rather lucrative job and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid.  However, as soon as I put in my notice I felt as though I was extracted out of the whirlwind.  It was such an experience of peace and even excitement of the unknown – Unprecedented Trust.

The remaining months of 2016 were rather harsh as I tried to navigate one pitfall after another.  It was truly a year of learning to trust God like I had never trusted him before.  It was a year of not leaning on my understanding nor on what things looked like in the natural, but rather trusting what I saw in the spirit and what God Himself was speaking to me.  The small women’s group I was leading at the time grew exponentially in spiritual revelation and knowledge.  2016 was a roller-coaster ride for me, but for what I gained in Christ, I would not trade it for anything.

Fast-forward to 2020.  Another roller-coaster ride!  In the midst of the pandemic and the rioting, I was given the grace to co-author a book with the same women’s group who walked with me through all I had gone through in 2016.  I was given the grace to paint and remodel my home; something I had started back in 2016 but could not gain any traction in doing so. This year, my youngest son who was released from prison in 2018 moved back to North Carolina and actually lived with me for a few months until he got his own place.  Those were the sweetest months of my life as God healed both our hearts and drew us closer to one another.  And after 13 years, my oldest brother moved back to NC.  He and I have never been close, but God is mending our relationship and he is becoming the brother I lost in 2016. 

This year I was blessed with my dream job of working with homeless veterans, with the opportunity to minister the love of God unrestrained.  When I interviewed for the position I was asked what I wanted my salary to be.  I thought back to 2016, why not ask for what I was making then.  Why not ask for what I was making after eleven years on that job when I am just starting on this job.  So I did.  However, when I was hired, my employer awarded me with $8,000 more than what I asked for. Without a doubt God negotiated that on my behalf.

This new job requires a lot of traveling and I knew my 2009 Toyota (LaToya) had too many miles on her to keep up.  I needed a new (used) vehicle.  My oldest son is a sales manager at Johnson Lexus in Durham and of course I had to buy a car from him.  So I looked at some of their used cars online to see what was reasonable for me.  I spotted a beautiful 2016 white ES350, which was in the price range and mileage I was looking for, but it was not certified and my son would not let me buy a vehicle that isn’t certified.  You would think he is the parent.  Not finding anything else reasonable, I dropped the search and forgot about it.  Three weeks later, one Friday morning, I noticed a shudder in LaToya and sweetly asked her to hold on for a couple of months.  I promised her some relief in January of 2021 and she sweetly said “OK”.  I’m pretty sure I am not the only one who talks to her vehicle, but it’s okay if I am.  Later that same Friday on my drive home from prayer a deer slammed into LaToya, leaving her in need of some body work plus a major tune-up.  As I continued home I said to my car “I thought we were going to wait until January” to which she said “I didn’t do it, the deer did!” 

I went back online for another search for a used vehicle and found what I thought was the same white ES350 I saw before but now certified.  I called my son and told him about it, but he said it was not the same car and asked if that was what I wanted.  With his discount it would be a great price with relatively low mileage for a 2016.  I jumped on it and sent him the VIN number for the vehicle.  He is what Johnson Lexus calls their Closer and was very busy during this time closing new car deals for his sales people.  So he pretty much passed on my “used car” deal to a salesman in the Pre-Owned department.  A few days went by and I had not heard any news about the car, so I called my son.  He apologized and said he would check into it.  A few days later when I spoke with him, he said for some reason they did not want to release that car but he was going to see what was going on.  He was adamant about me getting that car for that price as he had seen the company make bigger deals for family members and by golly his mama was going to get that car. 

The next day I heard from Johnson Lexus financial about getting the paperwork done online.  My son would drive the car to me the following Saturday as his family had already planned a trip to see my mother and I that weekend.  That Saturday when my son when to pick up the car he was shocked.  While I was still reading and signing documents online he sent me a picture of a beautiful red, fully loaded ES350 on the showroom floor.  I replied back to him “Nice” and thought to myself why show me something I can’t have.  I went back to reading and signing.  As he was driving the car to me, he called and said “Mama, you don’t know what you got.” I really did not understand what he was saying and did not have time to talk to him because I was still reading and signing documents.  While he continued, trying to describe the car to me, I suddenly experienced the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit and heard Him say “I wanted to give you the best of the best.”  I didn’t know what was going on and started weeping because his presence was so strong.  I told my son I would talk to him when he got here and started praying asking the Lord what was going on.  I didn’t get an answer as His presence lifted and I was able to complete my paperwork. 

When my son pulled into my driveway with my new used vehicle, my jaw dropped in complete and utter shock.  He got out of the car, looked at me and said “Mama, you didn’t know you were getting this car, did you?”  It was the beautiful red, fully loaded car he sent a picture of earlier.  My response was “No, wait, what, how!”  He did not know how and he did not know what.  When he went to pick up the car he was looking for the white car.  When they ushered him to the red one instead, he thought I had just changed my mind without telling him.  He then understood why they did not want to release the car for the price I wanted.  They were treating the car as a new car because it only had 6000 miles on it and is fully loaded.  A 2016 with only six thousand miles!  They wanted to sell that vehicle for almost twice as much as they actually did. 

It was then that I understood what God was saying to me when He said “I wanted to give you the best of the best.”  Unknowingly, to both my son and I, I had sent him the wrong VIN number.  I would not have been so presumptuous to think I could have such a vehicle, let alone afford it.  God allowed my son to be so busy selling cars and gaining favor with his managers that he didn’t have time to get involved in my deal.  When he was adamant about releasing the car to me he had no idea which car he was fighting for.  However, because of his success they conceded to not only give his mother the car, but also, give her the new car warranties, new car interest rate, and all of the other new car benefits for the base white car rate plus employee discount. 

Later when I pondered all of this, my Lord revealed to me that He is using 2020 to redeem 2016 for me.  The car had to be a 2016 because it is the year he is redeeming and He was well pleased with how I walked that year out.  It had to be red to symbolize His redeeming blood.  It had to be low mileage as if I was purchasing a new car that He negotiated on my behalf.  His redemption is not just about the car, it also included bringing both my son and my brother home and healing our relationships.  It included giving me the desire of my heart in employment because I was obedient to leave a job most people would have reasoned their way into staying and found plenty of justification in doing so.  It included a deeper level of peace and faith as the world gets darker and darker.  And it includes, what I deem most important, an unrelenting trust in Him to be faithful in everything He has spoken and shown me over the past four years.  

I have a sense that the Lord has been preparing me for 2020 and beyond.  Unprecedented trust in the Love, Power, Protection and Provision of God is what all of his children will have to surrender to going forward.  This surrender is about us stepping into our destiny in the times we are blessed to live in.  As I mentioned in my opening statement, we are alive and a part of the Kingdom of God in this crucial time in His story because of His choosing not ours.  If we are willing and obedient, He will use us in ways that are absolutely astounding to us.  As the world grows darker and darker He said His Glory would be seen upon us - Isaiah 60.  This should be a time of great expectation of the Glory of God upon the His people rather than a time of desiring to escape the darkness.  It seems to me that many of God’s people are focusing on the wrong things.  Should not our focus be on what He is doing instead of what the world is doing?  Is this not what Jesus taught us?  Isaiah 60:3 says that the nations shall come to our light and kings to brightness of our rising.  Each of us has a God-given purpose to fulfill, through the Holy Spirit, in this specific epoch.  Let’s not miss our day of visitation simply because we find ourselves gazing into the darkness, but rather looking up in anticipation of our redemption, which draws near.  The looming darkness will be the worst of times for the world, but it can also be the best of times for the children of God.

~ Lorrie Lawrence ~