The refining and redefinition of life.
written by Michael McBane
I once had a word given to me that said I had an anointing on me to write, and I would write from the deep things that the Lord would form in the seasons of my life. I would not echo the words of others but would have the words I would write formed by the experience of God in my life. I therefore began to understand the language that I write in because I see the Lord’s hand and know that there is a purpose in such words that trouble some at times. I seek to allow the Lord to give me the grace to articulate the rivers in many so that they do not feel so isolated in the seasons of God’s formation.
Few if any of us go through the seasons of refining where sorrows and upheaval are the tools used to refine us with stellar and affectionate demeanor. Some do earnestly seek to not waste their sorrows. There is little or nothing that I can say that is as I thought it might be even a few years ago. Honestly there are days that I must hope that He allows my heart to finish. I find that I must constantly reposition my heart to allow the Lord the hands on application to adjust me to His heart and perspective concerning life. Some things do remain or have a consistent sound that reverberates through much but even that sound must be regulated in the time of God.
The scriptures tell us that we are given an anointing when we receive and acknowledge the Christ within us.1 John 2: 27. We then should not immediately go to man but as Paul did, see that the desert season pulls this anointing out of us and it must be subject to the refining of God and thus it is woven together with the threads of the cross and an identity found in all that Christ was and is and will be. We are positioned at times for seasons around a particular teaching or men of God to form the particular purpose of God in us. Often we extend this beyond the plan or heart of God which can extend us in very marauding places. Thus we must know that we are called to a very deliberate and intricate plan of God that speaks that all things be used to God’s purpose.
I have recently reread some books that I first read ten plus years ago. They now speak differently to me. And this is good. I have changed and I also see that there were some words that I received 18 or so years ago that spoke to me of long seasons of redefinement in my life. I cried when I got some of them for I knew that I had already experienced a certain amount of betrayal and disappointment in life that was challenging. But my youth still held a determination that would erode through the applied pressure of the continued seasons of rebuilding me into the specific person God had purposed. But even my youthful determination was good for it allowed me to step forward even when I felt battered. Youth can offer a courage that when surround by that which tempers zeal is formidable.
At times I can feel almost homeless, I so see that this earth is not my home. But when only you know where you have been, what you have experienced and how. When only you know who you have sat with and communed around the stories of Jesus with. And now you feel dim and feel like you wear the clothes of a man hidden underneath life. At first it rattles you and then you don’t know should I cry or laugh? And then you have a comfort and see it is not about me it is Jesus. You hear the conversations that do not ask for your inclusion and you weaken. You remember how you once flowed with a certain life that now awakens only at His command. You have little or nothing left of your name. And it is nothing you have done. It is hard to wrap around. But here you know what God has done and deep within you know He is jealous over what He has taken time to love.
These seasons extracted more then I ever expected. I struggled with this at times thinking the enemy is having a hey day in my life. But I did not resign to darkness or it’s challenges but I began to give up my self preservation and I quite trying to rearrange the field and I trusted that God had a plan. I prayed that I would not fall short of the purpose He created me for, that I would have a God strength to remain and see the goodness of God that I knew deep within. I do think at times, Lord I am not sure I get this anymore, I feel as if I am getting further from being useful to anything or anyone. I then am often graced by a juncture of encouragement that sparks a fire just long enough so that I can see God is still in control.
I think I understand the sentiments of Paul’s words more then ever but fear my ability to love is frail. My sorrows run with God but are captured in His discipline. I therefore know that only God can turn the light on in this house. Only He can awaken the anointing of His life within me. Its like those things people put in their yards that blow up and represent different characters in seasons. When they unplug them the collapse in a heap until they plug them in again. Am I without a will, by no means but I will myself to walk in His strength. I understand the assault that can batter ones mind when others seem to be glistening in the wow of God and you sit still. I understand the failures of desires and dreams and of relational purpose. I also know that God can give and take but it is not in some vindictive way it is for a greater purpose and a wondrous glory. When He leads us to see His glory over our own and draws us to then leave ours so that His is magnified still more the road narrows. Your thoughts and ways are chiseled more intricately then before.
Some may reject these words I have written as bitter or damaged but these are not words of bitter remorse. My thoughts do not have the will to merely succeed in the eyes of men. My passion can arise when I am allowed to step towards or into the the true Presence of the Lord.
Seasons have purpose that are held in the plans of God. We as men and women of God who willingly subject our hearts to the ways of God are being melted down to be so pliable like liquid, so that we can be poured into the container of His choice for the time and season of God. Not all can grasp this concept for the call on their life is not the same. Once I struggled with this variance but no longer I am more adaptable to the vast purpose of individuals. I am not compliant but my perspective has changed. I must apprehend the highest call of God and if I reflect Him then they will be drawn to the life I walk in.
2 Corinthians 3:18, “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.”
I know we wait for the coming of the Lord not just in His return for His church but in our daily walk in the moment to moment . We expect to again walk in the cool of the day with Him. This is a great expectation that is a reality we must pray to step in faith towards constantly. today we will ask for mercy and the grace to say yes Lord.
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