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written by Michael McBane

I sat in the morning sun meditating on the goodness of God. I sat in a trance like place slipping deeper and deeper into a saturating comfort. I thought or should I say the thought was given to me here that if I died today this is what I would say at my funeral. I would say that  I longed to love more. I truly wished daily to go beyond where I was and love deeper and unhindered. I saw that in a way I am crippled or handicapped in my ability to love within myself. I do not have the endurance to love long. I cannot reach beyond a certain place and give. That extension is beyond me. In the lingering shadow outside of these thoughts I knew stood Christ. I was being allowed to see how incapable I was of doing what He had given me a passion for. I had the mercy to accept this but I needed the grace to wear it in a humility that was not smeared in religious over tones or the language of veneers that postured this place in some lofty ascent.

I  was seeing in dimensions as in this short duration I was guided through multiple places. I here asked what keeps me in such a place of incompletion? I then felt weight as if I was wearing many layers of clothes upon me. I heard much that keeps you distant from loving more are the clothes you have worn they are at times spiritual hand me downs. They served you somewhat but never fit well. I then heard, They must be removed now so that you can wear Me ( Me being Jesus Christ). I understood that I had worn Christ but not fully as I would imagine. It repeated in me, not fully as I had imagined, I remembered, greater are the things you will do and no one can imagine the plans that God has for us. I saw the fractionalization of who I was caught within some sort of space. It was as if I was not in one place but broken apart walking through a place. Maybe it was time or the particulars of decisions I had made? But I then also knew that understanding that to love I must be loved by Him or be totally immersed in my weakness so that I have no life outside of this love . I cannot hold back.

So I pray that what I have seen is not a final resting place. But in spiritual reality a truth. Perhaps I am coming to a place that some things will end, a final resting place. I certainly can say that what I heard and saw was true. I do not have the will or ability to love unless I live in Christ. There are days that I simply do not want to extend me not because I am lazy or unwilling I see that to love without Christ is folly. I long to be captured in this love, to be raptured by Him. 

I share these words because I know they will speak to some. I also know some just will not understand.  Its okay.