A very long time ago I stumbled upon a Book called, ‘Practicing His Presence,’ by Brother Lawrence written in the 1600's. I was prompted to dig it up and reread it. Whoa yea. I opened it and it was like a long forgotten treasure had been taken off of the shelf. I was met with a wave of God that splashed me in my face and began to saturate me with a well needed dusting. I read Lawrence’s words and felt many of the seeds of my prayers awakened. His words sparked my words I now share.
This is not by any means meant to be a dismal self confession nor a effort to drag any one through a depressive state of introspection. It is an honest assessment of whats up in this life I live and maybe yours? And if the limited observation I have and conversation I exchange can monitor anything it concurs with my frail insight.
Recently I wrote a piece called, ‘If I die.’ I knew it was a declaring picture. It scared me to write it, but I could not turn from it. I wrote about not loving as I desired. But I tell you I cannot love unless I allow Christ to love me here and now. Hear this, here and now. And let me add forever to that. That may be a simple declaration but it is elusive and there is little in the language of the culture of Christianity that allows this to prevail. The language I speak of is one that drives the plow deep into the soil with responsible action. It takes steps to live your life without the fear of death or the lesser characteristics of living. This simplistic declaration is treated as a sentiment that has the longevity of a greeting card.
Perhaps this is a way to conclude as a man once said to me on a ministry trip years ago, ‘You really want to be like the disciples!’ These words coming from this man shocked me, I so thought he was tracking in the same place I was. I replied, ‘yes but more, I want to be like Jesus.’ He called me a mystic. I scratched my head. I’m a mystic because I really want to go all the way? Thats one reason why I bailed on anything related to “ministry” I was not convinced that Jesus had not left the building.
I could not subject my family to this and expect them to mature. I could not expect them to endure.
Now here I will sound like an utter failure but I have come to such a place of inability to make life happen. I followed the Lord to the best of my ability and there was no place to return to. I had no back pocket to pull a rabbit of success 101 from. No back up plan. Jesus it is you or nothing. And it never really felt like nothing but the black board has been erased of my conclusions. I can encourage most who follow God but many I find it hard to relate to because of the choices and value structures they hold to. Just being honest, perhaps to. I have been through some battles, a lot of us have. But I have transgressed God’s rest trying to figure it out and to become acceptable to men. I have discarded the richness of His presence at times that can allow one to live richly in difficult places. I have felt like a miserable old coot. But my misery is a great wealth if I allow the grace of God to turn this into a mulch of rich wisdom. The grace of a living humility that considers the attributes of the sermon on the Mount as daily bread is one of being influenced by the brooding of God’s presence and here then is an influence that prevails around us.
When we are drawn to the expansion of the love of God as it percolates within us and reveals the depth of Christ and the Father we cannot be dominated by the distraction of sin.
When we can thrive in peace even in troubles or sorrows, we have allowed God to reside in us. I am not saying that the Lord prescribes misery by no means but He knows where we will expand His Kingdom and it is when He is the manifestation of His Kingdom. God’s love supersedes circumstance if there is no love I question where is God. Therefore we have not truly understood the depth of Christ, nor the height, the width or the length as we may think. I do not discount the walk of anyone because I do not think that is the way of the Father. I though can not subscribe to anything less then an ongoing expression of, an expression in a substance that is not strife but sparked in His nurturing presence. Not a mere revelation of the finished work of Christ but a willing desire to allow this to be the reality of life. The secrets of abiding in Christ in all ways is at first a discipline. To abide is conflicting because life pulls, Christian influence in its misunderstanding pulls and the fullness of Christ that Paul speaks of is treated with a smorgasbord type of opportunity.
As weak as I have become I still have thoughts of my sustainability. Then I ask God whats wrong with this picture. To which I hear, ‘you.’ I cannot hide but I wonder do I want to hear? ‘You still want to run in your ability and strength.’ And then the conclusion of such being, ‘What you have been born for demands that I am your all in all, period.’ In weakness His strength is revealed. And I have not been as weak as I have thought.
I think to live with such a framework we cannot consign our objectives in life as being automatically Godly, such as I am in business for God but I am in business to make money. How else is ministry funded being the accompanying question? First, ministry is then misaligned in purpose. Paul was a tent maker at times but that was not his purpose. Somewhere we must allow the core of who we are to be subjected to Christ fully. And this must be our relevance. If it is not we are abusers of our faith. How many of us cannot shut up about Jesus? How many of us actually speak to others with consistency about Jesus? Ministry is life as is worship. We say we must not categorize life but we bounce right into the containers of its constriction. The objective of making a living is not wrong but the balance is delicate. Therefore we must daily ask the Lord to permeate us in all of our objectives with a consistent and deliberate purpose until this is integrated into the fragrance of who and what we are. We cannot be separated from the love of God. The equation will always be balanced by the expansion of God’s Agape Love.
When we allow God’s love to search us we stop resisting Him and begin to be permeated by the tangible life of God in us. It is here that life changes, our perspective changes, values are burnished with a purity of devotion.
There are particular emphasis that have been dropping into my spirit in this past season, usually these are things that have been seeds that have grown to a measure and because my insight is limited they go dormant until it is time to grant more insight into their purpose. One has been revival and the general interpretation that it has been given within Christian culture. Let me be forth right it does not settle well with me. I used to be attracted to it in some way but then I saw it as a very limited tool that had not created a lengthy duration. So I began to examine the structures and the lack of progression. I have tended to place it in the current form within the examination of spiritual gifting. Meaning the scriptures tell us that God does not take the gifts back that He gives away so the container can misuse the gift or misrepresent it but because of God’s love and grace it, the gift, will reach into the fabric of our persuasion to touch the hearts of men. These expressions are held within boundaries of expression that occasionally seem to rise to a point that appears as if they may overflow into a greater expression. But this has not been so. Men I believe have the means to only go so far, they may not see this but they out of limitations begin to take control and divert to using their own strength. That is why I have been inclined to let God offer the gift or gifts He has given me, I choose to listen and adapt to the flow of how He is articulating His love at a given time.
It is not a well known detail but the Welsh Revival that is so often heralded was certainly powerful was not without a flaw, let me explain. A young man Evan Roberts witnessed his prayers come to life in Wales as the entire region turned to God in quick order. It is said that there may have been 100 thousand plus conversions. Roberts though began to become frail so he took a week of rest and it is reported that he broke down and remained under some type of care for the remainder of his life. The revival lost its influence and the nation within a short period reverted back to the ways that it had been rescued from. Such an impact but something clearly was missing. Fruit did not remain. There is a tendency to look at these events with a sense of lets make this happen again but perhaps we should ask what happened? Was this the Good News? Recent revivals such as Lakeland, Florida suddenly surged with a worldwide convergence but as I stated men took opportunity and the fact is it imploded. South Africa in 2013 began to surge and many began to spend their last dollar to go get more of God or to go get healed. Some celebrity prophets began to express this has the next wave. The pastor announced this week September 2013, that they were shutting down, “they had been flogging a dead horse”.
Our affections are questionable, and at times misguided. Can we ask, God what are You saying to us? Can we truly remain still long enough to listen and then yield to His voice no matter the cost of what we may deem important to Him? Consider buying the field that has a pearl, one pearl as the Lord said, but you expend everything because you know the value cannot be compared to anything. To see this is to have faith and the faith is like leaven that is touched by love.
I contend because my heart has been chastised, to yearn for the faith of let say a Smith Wigglesworth is admirable in expression but not formed in the presence. To practice the presence of God is to follow Him. Our faith then is not formed in a directionless abandoned exuberance but in an abiding trust and wealth found and determined by God. I fear we do not know how to instruct on how to follow Christ. Even Jesus said, you know the scriptures well but you know not the life therein. I cannot enlarge on the hows and whys of signs and wonders or healing. I love creative crazy but zeal must be within the yoke of following.
I cannot accept that living in the presence of God does not affect our character so I then cannot accept that it dislodges us from responsibility towards one another.
People are hungry, they are tired and they are desperate. But to continue to get on a merry go round that charges one to ride is a flawed picture. Are we willing to get off? The inability to actually comprehend the finished work of the cross, the finished work of Christ, this inability is poison. It is diluted with self expressions of self generated hope and ministry models that refuse to give up. They reinvent themselves to cast fresh shadows to remain mobil but it is a currency that has limited wealth. God wants us to rework and discover His economy. We must rediscover the heart that sells all to enlarge the reality of God by enabling someone to pray or to extend life in uncommon ways.
I have felt as if I am attempting to crawl out of a greased hole. No matter what, no matter the words that were given to me, the scriptures written and given to me I cannot get out of what seems deplorable to me. This deplorable may be saving my life. I by grace have not lost the firm expression of love that remains in the fog of all of this waiting though. My weakness is over bearing at times. And I hear Him say your almost dead and He is not concerned. I don’t dwell in seeking to be forgiven for the mercy of God draws me towards the longing He has for me to learn of Him and to be graced in the infusion of His love.
When, when I come to a place of being complete in Him and completely comfortable in His rest. I know He will be within my words and my expression. I will have a confidence because He really wants to love us. I confess that in me I am bankrupt spiritually in Him I am wealthy with a currency that exceeds the commerce of this world.
Let me end with this fact, during the time Brother Lawrence spent on this earth he worked in a kitchen. It is said that people would travel over 100 miles on foot to watch him as he washed the dishes. Because the presence of the Lord was overflowing like a thick fragrance. Does this not make you wonder about the life we live? God I am forever needy and you are my need.
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